Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
