Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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