I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
