Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
