oh god the rape fog is back!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
