We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
