Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
