Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
third nipple confirmed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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