I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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