Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
