I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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