I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
