Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
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whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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