New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
