lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
