Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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