My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
