he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
