the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
