i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
