My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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