pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
