btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
