just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
