we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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