what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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