I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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