what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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