haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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