i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
