I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
even my farts smell like vagina
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize