I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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