My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
