i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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