How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
