Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
