I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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