And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
