somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
