tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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