I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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