my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
