I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
