he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
