I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
