I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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