If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
