I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
