The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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