What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
