is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
