i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
