I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
