:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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