There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
