Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
only you would photoshop your dick
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
