dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
