It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
