I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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