woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
